"To feel high, one must go down first"- Varied consequences when relying on people's good will

After such an experienceful, surprising 30-days-of-fear challenge 2014, I took a short vacation, a venture abroad between February and March. Actually, one of my challenges was to organize this trip.

 I went to visit friends in Ireland, Wales and England. It was only 8 days, but more it's about quality than quantity of those days! Meeting dear people I haven't seen for a while refreshes so much. Hitch-hiking, for instance, gives such a good mood (when it works). People show they have empathy inside them towards foreigners. It kind of makes me believe on good things more and gives power to keep on doing my thing, when souls around me show support. For example this old fellow in the photo. He had so good heart! With sunshine beside him, I saw great hope in the world :).

this guy gave a lift and got me another one by asking a random driver

Finally in Cork, visiting dear old UCC, in which I was an exchange student 2013

the face when meeting old friends and after successful hitching

Irish sun dawn. Unique..

 But what happens when hitching DOESN'T work and you have a schedule for the day? It goes tricky..

Hitching did work in Ireland, but in Wales I had a strange day of contrast. My day (6.3.) started nicely in Cardiff, where I had been visiting a friend for few days.

Cycling <3<3!!! In Cardiff..

Writing a manifest to mud

Which says: "Stay" + sun

Isabel "incredible soul" and Tuomas

My aim was to continue to Bristol (distance 44,6mi = 70km), from where I had already reserved a bus to London. I had checked for a spot to start from Hitchwiki, I had my sign ready. I walked to the spot. I had around 6h time before my bus leaves from Bristol, which should be enough. It drizzled but it was okay, as I had decent wear on me. 

For one hour I stood at the spot, I wrote additional destination "Newport" which was on the way. No success. I walked forward, to a roundabout, from where there is a junction to the highway. There I stood, around 1½ hours, without success. Drizzling continued, my sign started to get wet and tear apart, cars drove & drove & drove. Some of them waved hands to me. I still felt rather positive, I wasn't hungry, I had time. But then! A car stopped. This is THE ONE with compassion and good heart, willing to help me. I ran towards it. A hand got out from the car, with a camera. It started filming me.. What the fuck!! Then, suddenly, it drove away. Instead of feeling angry, I felt depressed. People don't show any good will towards me. Hitching hasn't ever been so traumatic.. In Wales! Rather well-being country, no sympathy for hitch-hikers, standing along the way in drizzle. I was SO disappointed! I missed Poland.. It was so easy to hitch over there. Maybe there is something between economic welfare, individualism and willingness to help and trust foreigners. Or maybe I was so scary and threatening!

I gave up this shit and started walking back to city centre. I had no other choice but to take a bus to Bristol. Bus had gone 15min ago, but the next one should still make it before my London bus. The bus came late, there was a rush hour on all the roads, even on highway. No chances to make it. This all sounded so unbelievable! I called to a friend to reserve a next bus from Bristol. I was supposed to meet her in London, but now I didn't have time to see her :(; My flight left next morning. I didn't have cash and didn't want to use ATM unless necessary. The bus I got, left 4 am in the night. However, I will note that without money I wouldn't have overcome these challenges. That needs to be kept in mind.

I was already exhausted when I arrived to Bristol. I didn't have an easy-going mood, it was night, I didn't know anybody and had only few pounds. But I knew one place where to head. I had heard amazing things about this area: independent little shops, no chain companies, societally active people, loads of graffitis made with thought and devotion, a place I would probably find something, if brave enough and not enclosed in my fears. The area was a long street called STOKES CROFT.

Would you consider a normal street to have such a manifest on the wall? Stokes Croft dares!
People demonstrated aggressively when Tesco store was about to be established on the street.
Result: No Tesco along the street 

I wandered along the street, watching graffitis, feeling like an alien. There was an Open Mic-session in one bar! Perhaps I could go there, I don't know, I'm not in the mood. I went sitting to some wall along the street for a while. I was so aware of my fears, which tried constantly control me. What if I FAIL, what if I can't play anything appropriate, I don't have any songs in English what if what if.. BLAAH!!! Somehow, I could put those fears aside, think about a sentence I found: "what would I do, if I couldn't fail", take a deep breath and go to that Open Mic.

The session was at a base floor, in a cellar. There was lots of people sitting, candles, glasses of wine and local brews. People performing at the stage. I found the atmosphere quite relaxing and open. Poets, mimics, singer-songwriters. I put my name on the list. The organizer had to put some effort to understand my name correctly. I had some little chat with the people but felt myself icy. They were so free and jovial. I tried not to judge myself. I had to go out for a while, to buy an envelope etc. because I found my Cardiff friend's bicycle key from my pocket. I had to sent it back. I got back to the place and soon it was my turn. As soon as I got the attention of the whole room and guitar on me, I felt relaxed and smooth. I performed a song in Finnish, about dumpster-diving. It must have been a new experience for them. I got in to the flow! The audience was so accepting. I got huge applause! Yes!

After I started talking with people and felt myself very relaxed. Then I met Andi, elder gentleman, who sympathized me as I told about my unlucky hitching effort (he had experienced similar things in his life). He invited me into his group of all those poets and performers from the Open Mic. I was positively surprised how all the different aged generations get together to socialize. How this is a type of community which preserves the uniqueness of Stokes Croft, keeping it humming and vivid.

We went to a nice bar, Andi offered good special brews for me. Chatting with all those inspiring artists, sharing experiences. With amazing music to keep me levitating.

Then, to buy few beers and to have an after party in Andi's cozy lair. Listening more music and good coffee to keep me going for the bus. Then, suddenly it was late and had to go for the bus. Andi escorted me that I wouldn't get lost in Bristol. And then, I was on my bus to London.

CONTRAST is the word of this day. First of getting smacked down by complete lack of empathy, throwing away all the hope but then, by overcoming myself once more I ended up to the greatest possible company, people showing their empathic side and taking a stranger into their community like I was part of them. Many phrases can be conveyed from this experience, my humble one is:
IN THE DARKEST POSSIBLE MOMENT, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.

Tuomas enjoying his time with good company

Last week of challenge and an unexpected opening of my heart

It has been a while since I've last written. I will tell briefly about my challenges I've done, but then I will go to an enlightment I realized through a hard process, and how I feel now.

I could write the letters and send them. This was surprisingly long effort. I couldn't guess sending two letter would take so long. I sent one to a friend in USA and to my grand mother, who has supported me through my hard emotional times.

The most concrete and brave thing was the busking event, in which I played a support song about dumpster diving in front of two shopping centres. We made the video. It came like a music video of some sort. The whole thing required cooperation. It wouldn't have succeeded without few friends. They were necessary for the thing to be accomplished.

Busking. Link for the video below

Now, here is the music video, made by us, friends filled with inspiration: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCgOgXFi84A

A spontane challenge was, that I went teaching to a primary school as a substitute teacher. I got the request the evening before. I boosted myself by listening to The Clash: Complete Control live-recording which is my absolute power-song. It helped to gather energy and assertive behavior. The children tried to to test me few times but I could reply in a way they couldn't continue. I was glad to say to them in the end that they were a nice class. I even got two stickers from one child. It was delightful :).

I also went to a contemporary art museum for a long time. It was a pleasure for my senses and release for my mind for a while. I was supposed to go to a dancing party, but then sentimental emotions sprouted in the museum as I saw pieces of art which reminded me of things. I lost my strength, energy and easy-going mood and couldn't go there after all. Instead I went to a house party, in which I could have relaxing conversation.

 11th Feb was the last day of challenge. Day after I went to have a chat with bums and low income people who hang out outside, with a friend. For the first time, I went to an injection needle switching-centre, in which we had coffee with few men. I heard stories about how is it to live like homeless, stories about murdering, prison sentences and suicides. But also tips how to prevent from ending up to those situations.

My masturbation and alcohol break still remains. 52 days.

Meditation group having a conversation

Here are the accomplished challenges

- Write the letters and send them

- go to yoga again (and still going)

- fix coat a bit

- continue working on master's thesis

- edit THE busking video

- go to a group meditation 

- complete music recording sessions successfully (My band has now three new recorded songs)

I also did:

- Go to a museum

- Teach in a school

How do I feel now

Friends who completed the challenge, became really close. I think I haven't ever before opened myself to other ones so quickly and in immense way. They are like a community to me. Thing why I joined this, was that I needed to push myself forward from a strong love experience. It drifted in my mind almost completely and I couldn't let it go. I tried many methods. Also feelings of loneliness sprouted and it felt like running to stand still, ending up to the same situation.

Two days ago, I had an experience which organized my thoughts in a new way. I had to stimulate myself first to suppress my mind, to let my thoughts flow. I stayed awake the whole night with a friend, we walked almost the whole night. In the morning, I didn't go sleeping, I went to a certain place in which I had experienced a very strong emotional event, which I hadn't ever faced before. My heart ached always when I thought about the place and didn't have courage to go there, until yesterday. I took a guitar and a diary with me. I walked exactly the same routes as we had once gone. My thoughts flew with great velocity.

 As I ended up to the exact place, I started writing my thoughts up and cried. What I realized, was that I had been trying to reject a very precious thing inside me, cos' my heart ached massively. That's why I felt so broke. I was trying to reject LOVE in me, love towards her, love towards the whole world, because it is fragile and needs to be taken care of.

 For the first time, I could really say I loved sincerely, without the need for reciprocity, just because then I flourish, radiate and glow light and hope, like a sunflower. I had the tools all the time, I just had to realize, that I never will reject love inside me. That is the best thing in me. It is a pity many people try to protect themselves from love. I won't do that and I will do my best to encourage people to love. Love heals everything, love is the key to forgiveness. Love is the only god and almighty. This realization was the biggest challenge for me. Love is my religion.

There was a poetry jam in the evening. I decided to manifest my love and forgiveness to everyone. By coincidence, the poetry jam was at the same day! I went to read this realization from my heart in front of 150 people. It was my first time in a poetry jam. I wanted to do it, I had to do it. Afterwards I felt torn apart and vulnerable, but now, the day after I feel peace and love inside me.
My friend filmed my performance

Here is the manifest of my heart I wrote up at that place. It is in Finnish. Thank you Olli for inspiration.

This song inspired me tremendously as I wrote: Tycho - Adrift

Kivinokan mökki

Mä haluan sanoa nää asiat sulle.
Mä oon vasta nyt tajunnu, sun merkityksen mun elämään.
Miten sä olit hetken unelma ja voimaisin valo maan päällä.
Miten otit rakastavasti, sen vastaan, mitä herkästi vuodin suhun.
Miten olin arka, kokematon, hiomaton timantti,
joka räiskyy voimaa sinne sun tänne.
Kuinka vastasit kauniisti mun arkoihin hellyydenosoituksiin.
Kuinka tarvitsin kauniita käsiäsi,
pitelemään mun kaunista sydäntä,
joka tarvitsi rakkauden parantavan suudelman.

Sä palautit mun uskon rakkauden maailmaan.
Ilman sun apua, mun poukkaroiva sydämeni ei olisi koskaan saanut suuntaa.
Sä pystyit murtamaan mun ensimmäisen linnakkeen,
kohti rakastavaaa ykseyttä.
Sä näytit sen olevan mahdollista.
Se tapahtui Kivinokan mökissä.
Mä tunsin rakkauden. Miten me oltiin yksi.
Miten me tukeuduttiin yhteen ja avattiin itsemme yhdessä maailmalle.

Sä mursit mut ulos yksinäisyyden loukusta.
Silti tunsin sun kanssa tyhjiötä,
mutta se oli se tila, mikä rakkauden tulee täyttää.
Kuinka mun kukkaan puhkeava sydämeni oli valmis täyttämään sen onton tilan,
rakastavalla voimalla.

Sä olet mun elämän ensimmäinen rakkaus,
ja elämäni ensimmäinen kumppani.
Olit sitä hetken aikaa.

Sä näytit, miten mun arkaa,
mutta kaunista luontoa tulee vaalia ja auttaa kukoistamaan.
Kuinka sä täytyit valolla mun innostavasta ja inspiroivasta voimasta.
Intohimosta, mikä ei koskaan sammu.
Sitä sä tarvitsit minusta, kun etsit itseäsi, oman itsesi voimaa,
ja omaa inspiraatiota.

Sitten, kun minä ja muu Suomi irtautuivat sinusta,
jouduit hukkaan, menetit hetkeksi kauniin suuntasi,
ja eksyit itsestäsi.

Miten olin valmis rakastamaan sua,
löytämään oman unelmasi, oman onnesi.
Rakastan sua, se jälki jäi minuun iäksi.
Haluan sinua löytämään oman inspiraatiosi.

Ne kaikki yhteiset kokemukset,
ne on niin tajuttomia,
niin uskomattoman kauniita ja täydellisiä,
että kaikellä tällä oli tarkoitus tapahtua.
Muuten tämä ei olisi ollut mahdollista.
Sinä pystyit näyttämään,
mitä rakkaus on.

Nyt pystyn todella näkemään,
kun toiset vetäytyvät omaan kuoreensa,
eivätkä uskalla antautua rakkaudelle.
Miten aluksi luulin,
että tämä on taas yksi epäselvä, ahdistava,
defenssimekanismien emotionaalinen ripuli.
Uskoin kai kuitenkin johonkin,
kun tähän alunperin lähdin mukaan.
Olin jo alkanut käpertyä kuoreeni,
kun sinä tulit elämääni.

Lähdin aluksi matkaan,
että: "hei, söpö mimmi".
Mutta sitten,
sinuun tutustuessasi tajusin,
että sinussa on jokin syvä ulottuvuus,
kohta, johon minä päätin jäädä.
Sitten, luovuttaessasi itsesi,
sinä vastaanotitkin minun kauniin sydämeni,
joka on hyvin haavoittuvainen.
Halusin, että otat sen täysin parannettavaksesi,
koska luulin,
etten osaisi itse korjata sitä.
Sinä kuitenkin herätit minussa voiman,
joka lopulta ottaa itse vastuun oman itsen kehittämisestä ja avaamisesta maailmalle.

Miten loppuvaiheessa nousin varpailleni,
kun tajusin,
ettet voi ottaa siitä vastuuta.
Sitten ahdistuit,
koska olit muutenkin lähdössä.
Et voinut ottaa taakkaa,
jota epätoivoissani yritin kaataa sinunkin kannettavaksesi.
Mutta kuinka valmis olin ottamaan sinun pelkosi ja kuonasi.

Miten aluksi luulin,
että koen taas normaalia eroprosessia.
Ei, katkeruutta eikä mitään,
minkä tekemistä katuisin.

Yritin aluksi järjellä päästä eteenpäin, ei onnistunut.
Yritin sitten tunteilla, onnistui hetkeksi,
mutta vaivuin helposti yksinäisyyden saarelleni.
Kunnes eräänä aamuna,
tajusin että mua rakastetaan.
Sitten löysin sen.
Rakkaudella...

Nyt. Olen löytänyt rakkauden sisässäni,
joka säteilee kauniina kuin auringonkukka.
Nyt olen löytänyt tien anteeksiantoon.
Se on rakkaus.

Minun on pitänyt luoda nahkani uudestaan.
Minun on pitänyt hyväksyä rakkauteni sinua kohtaan,
mutta ennen kaikkea,
koko maailmaa kohtaan,
sillä se on herkkä ja tarvitsee suojelijaa (siksi opiskelen ympäristötieteitä)
Yritin poistaa hädissäni  rakkautta itsestäni.
Olin aloittamassa itseni murskaamisprojektia,
tuhoamaan sitä kauneinta, mitä minun on antaa maailmalle.
Se on se virhe,
minkä niin monet ihmiset tekevät
ja siten hukkaavat itsensä.

Parantuakseni mun ei tarvi tehdä itseasiassa mitään.
Minulla oli jo. Se oli mulla koko ajan.
Mun pitää vain antautua ympäristön kaaokselle,
merkityksille ja kauneudelle.
Siten tunnen koko maailman rakastavan minua.
Voin säteillä rakkautta pyyteettömästi,
ilman pelkoa,
ilman vaatimusta vastapalveluksesta.

Siten, voin tuntea rakkauden ja tulla rakastetuksi,
ja antaa anteeksi.
Rakkaus on ja parantaa kaiken.
Rakkaus on Jumala,
ja ainut kaikkivoipa.

3rd week of challenge

I think I have become more open to myself, also to other people than before. It is hard, though, as I don't bury rising emotions inside me that much anymore. Instead, I let them come in the right time and place. I go inside them and experience them fully. Afterwards, feeling of release comes and I'm able to let go and give up from my minds unpleasant thoughts. Then, my mind is blank and I'm able to breath and see the world as it is. Deep shit, but that's how I feel. That is what happened on Wednesday, after my bands gig. Performing opened my body for inner emotions which lead to a point 2 hours later, in which sorrow bursted out.

my new ear-piercing. Didn't hurt, though

Instruments for self-made ear-piercing. DO NOT MAKE such operations if you don't really know what you're doing

I've started to recognize defense patterns inside me and try to look at them and see what is the cause. What I need to do, is to accept them as a part of me, but still develop them. THAT is the hard challenge. I have asked for empathy from close friends I haven't really asked before. Although I feel mentally scattered and vulnerable, it has been rewarding to find out people are willing to help me and keep me on my feet. That was my challenge on Monday. Me and my friend could explore our minds together by discussing and I could let go of the demons I had inside. Afterwards, I smiled, stared people in the eyes and went to talk with to African people in a subway, because I felt so. I wanted to give them a good feeling. They said I could be from Gambia, as my sincere attitude towards people indicate that. I was thinking if I should ask them   for a hot cup sometimes, but I didn't feel like it. It comes in some point, then. I was proud of myself.

At my work, a nature guide asked me to do a responsibility for him. I felt immediately inside, that I don't want to do that, because it's his responsibility. I kind of took a defensing stand and said "I don't manage to do that, I have other things to do". I think that's okay, but rather I should have said: " I believe it's your responsibility and that's why you should do that". I learned from it, but I just need to find the right words when the situation actually happens, not afterwards. That is also a BIG challenge. If somebody has good tips for that, I'd be glad.

Our cosy lair for campfire, next to an empty storage building 

Handy basket for barbecue

I have failed to continue knitting but it's waiting for me. I could make two envelopes. I just need to write good letters and send them. I haven't continued dream-diary. I couldn't go to yoga, because of work. One big physical and mental challenge, was to take a safety pin-piercing. I arranged a dumpster-diving excursion for two friends. My friend blogged about it. You can find the story and pictures here: http://dreamspire.fi/haaste-19

art flourishes from our hands

Here is a list of things I originally planned to do for the past week:

- write letters to dear people -> partly yes (envelopes made!)
- music jamming night -> yes
- perform a good gig -> yes
- give a wedding speech in friend's wedding -> yes

- organize a hang out with a campfire in an old industrial area, including barbecuing dumpster-dived food and using mostly construction material for campfire -> yes

- continue solving out master's thesis -> yes (I got a new, interesting, easier topic)
- go swimming in an icy lake -> yes (after sauna)

dumpster-dived food for barbecue

What I also did
- took a safety pin-piercing
- told my father about taking an ear piercing
- arranged a dumpster-diving excursion for two beginners
- cycled almost throughout the week, independent of the weather
- watched a film alone in cinema
- commented a status of a politically active friend -> yes (it was about wealth and equality)

Our dodgy storage hall

My challenges for this week:

- Write the letters and send them

- go to yoga again

- fix coat a bit

- continue working on master's thesis

- edit THE busking video

- go to a group meditation

- complete music recording sessions successfully

2nd week of challenge

During the first week I started new activities which I hadn't ever really done before, such as knitting and yoga. Soon, I found out that I need to shift character of my challenges. I can't continuosly start new things without ending the old ones, which I have left hanging on. It's logical that I just can't fill my life, cos' otherwise my head would blow up.

In some way though, it is easy to take new things to your life. They feel exotic, give immediate pleasure, you see yourself developing quickly. Unfortunately, they are all trade-offs. As you take a new thing, your focus on the former ones decrease. Finally you notice yourself how you have forgotten and let those old things incompleted. It's probable that it will happen to knitting and yoga, unless I change my emphasis. Therefore, my focus has aimed on the former things, which I have procrastinated. What an interesting way to learn life-management and to achieve more!

Tuesday was the most killing day. I almost collapsed mentally, because I had faced such many obstacles. I couldn't get to dancing after all and my master's thesis didn't clarify in my mind. I had done such a big work to work that out but still, it is very unclear. The topic is extremely interesting and important, though.
Mental challenge then, was to accept my condition and let it go for a while. Without my mother's tea-healing I would have broken up. Demons started to arise and few tears even dropped by.
 Luckily I could find my inner power in the end. For now, I have managed to put my master's thesis forward. It's extremely pushing to learn I never give up and surrender. For sometimes I'm also too inpatient, which I need to practice more.

It has been hard for me to relax completely and not worrying about things I need to do. A good practice for me could be to have a day without any efforts.
I also could continue to learn knitting, but I need to practice that a lot until I learn it truly. I started writing dream-diary but I failed as I couldn't continue it longer than few days.

What I am very PROUD OF, is I haven't used any intoxicants, such as alcohol for the whole time, although I've been in several parties. I've drank lots of tea, however.

For mental development, I'm able to show my emotions more honestly to others and especially, to myself. I can express my will more strictly. I focus more and more on decreasing the use of conditional in my speech. As I have wrote these things, many friends memorized me to remain the most characteristics of my personality, because they are golden and rare.
 It is interesting to make a dichotomy between the things I want to develop in myself and the things which I shouldn't ever change. This is about self-acknowledgement to know how to direct that development. In any case, I need to accept myself as I am, also the not-so-good sides. And that's what is hard, because too often I get frustrated to myself as I want to be something else, that I need to develop myself.
Sometimes I see it in social situations, in which other people demand that unconsciously. Therefore, this phrase runs in my mind, which I find useful. "I don't need to please people all the time". There is a way to be selfish in a good way. That is what I call assertive.

prototype for tattoo

Here is a list of things I planned to do for the past week:
Go busking -> yes (I played support song for dumpster-diving in front of shopping malls. It was recorded and filmed. Wait till it's edited!)
Dream-diary -> partly yes
Dancing -> no, but there are reasons in which I couldn't influence
Ice-skating -> yes
Continue master's thesis -> yes
Get injection needles to make ear-piercing hole -> yes (from a friend)
Plan a prototype for tattoo -> yes

injection needles for ear piercing

I also did
Impro-rap in a party
Get a dear shirt back from a friend
Performing in front of people in a panel, voluntarily
Tell my father about taking a tattoo
Call to a friend when feeling bad and show my vulnerability to others
Ask injection needles from pharmacy and try to get them free of charge -> didn't work, though

For this week
Send letters to dear people
Music jamming night
Graffiti-making among a bonfire and friends
Wedding speech

1st week of challenge

Over a week ago, a good friend called me, if I'd like to get involved in a challenge. I said why not. Sounds intriguing. My personality is often, that I go into things which life brings inherently in front of me. I take them as opportunities and ways to discover new things about life.

Now, for one week I've been challenging myself. I should do one challenge a day, but often I get into a flow and continue doing other stuff I haven't ever done. Often challenges changed from what I originally planned to do, but that's what they call "change of plans" or "carpe diem". The things I did were mostly things I should have done, not that scary (except UE) or revolutionary.

 I decided to invest more on myself and develop DIY (do it yourself)-skills. I also wrote about my thoughts and emotions I felt and how they had changed, how I could process them more and know ways to do that.

No one told me earlier that I shouldn't bury strong sentimental emotions on the background and wait them to fade away, vice versa, how it's important to face them and go inside them, although it's exhausting and it hurts. I already reduced strongly my ways to gain hedonistic pleasure, such as intoxicants and masturbation. I want to learn other, implicit ways to feel pleasure. I feel I need to be more strict with people sometimes, even more selfish. And stop using conditional and "sorry" in my speech!

For this week, my biggest effort is to go busking in front of two shopping centres and play a support song for dumpster-diving. That scares me! That's why I need to do that. If I couldn't fail, what all would I do?

Knitting!

A rat tail

Here is a list of things for the first week:
- to start doing my master's thesis research plan -> planning started
- learn how to knit -> learning started
- to start yoga -> yes
- start doing kombucha -> yes
- go to a directed meditation -> yes
- arrange a time for taking a tattoo -> yes
- arrange a time for taking an ear-piercing -> yes
- ask someone to do a rat tail for my hair -> yes
- start to analyze and acknowledge social situations in which there is a need to be assertive -> yes
- learn what is permaculture about -> partly yes
- contact friends I haven't seen for a long time -> partly yes
- jogging to a university lecture and back -> no
- start writing a dream-diary -> no
- go busking -> no

a KGB car in industry area! Authentic

Inside the building

Additionally, I ended up doing more spontane things
- urban exploring to a new empty building
- get to know a new person
- physical exercise once a week
- go talking with random people
- rolling into a snow after sauna -> yes, on a roof
- planned a venture abroad

Initiation for the challenge

First part of my blog was about traveling by hitch-hiking in Europe. I wanted to express how it's possible and how much it enhances mentally to do such an adventure.

Still, although I showed great capability to overcome myself and go through such adventure, I still, far too often, find myself procrastinating various issues I should do. Most of them are sort of things I have to do in some point without any strict deadline. So I always shift them later. I also need to overcome my fears in some things.
Therefore, to get a mental kick on my mental ass, I will start a next adventure, but a different kind. It's originally called 30 days of fear, implemented by some guy. It can be found from here: http://www.highexistence.com/epic-challenge-30-days-of-fear/.

It started yesterday. Thus, there is still 28 days to go, when I do one of three things:
- Something I fear
- Something I've been putting off
- Something I've never done before

I will write here about the things I've done, at least weekly. The challenge began yesterday, so my start was to prepare Kombucha, fermented tea, in which a mutualistic relationship between yeast and bacteria excrete probiotic healthy substances into it. I also started to plan a meeting with an old friend and when I get an ear piercing.

A pickle pot. Handy..

There lies my dear slimy fellow

Today, I started to plan my master's thesis plan, decided when I will have my first tattoo and went to talk with a goofy old lady in a tram.

22.8 (Day 22) Last days in Amsterdam + thoughts about the journey

My two days in Amsterdam were different. I was with my two friends, having a city holiday. I could leave my stuff to their hotel room and spend time in the city as a normal tourist, without a huge backpack and dust in my legs. We went to see a gig. I could sleep inside, on a soft, comfortable bed. I slept so well, by the way. The night was best in ages. My friends were so nice. I could sleep with them, to discuss deeply about things.

Late night, I went wandering my own, with harmonica. I wanted to explore, see the people going to their ways. I felt like I'm not part of their reality. Maybe I even wanted to feel alienated from them, an outsider. I enjoyed being alone. I went to look for food, a strange habit I learned. I found some chips. I went to play harmonica by the canal, like in some romantic movies. Nothing happened, however :/. I meandered in parks and met some alternative people to play guitar with. Some young, 16 year old people, hitch-hiked from east Germany! And I thought I was young :O.

I hadn't done check-in yet to the flight so I had to pay some additional bullshit, also for my backpack. But then, I was approaching Helsinki. Lights just closed down in the plane. Soon, I'm back home, alive, happy with new friends, and wiser.. well, hopefully. Life carries and supports you, wherever you go.

Mental attitude during the trip is different compared to normal routine life. Lots of energy, no worries, simple life. You are careless, positive and radiate good energy. People you meet usually come along for short times only, few days max. But they stay, at least in your heart. I remember all the people I met, so vividly. In petrol stations, borders, parks, some sketchy forest paths in the middle of the night.

I sometimes forget how my attitude was back then. I think, sometimes, I get that same, positive glowing feeling in my everyday life. And I remember how it was hard for me to adapt back, like there was no adventure anymore. That's depressing. But there are always adventures. You just need to see and search for them.

FINALLY, it might interest my dear readers, how much did all of this cost..
I counted everything, food, bus, plane tickets, money transfer costs, festivals, gig tickets, EVERYTHING. In three weeks, I spent 600e. For the first 8 days, I spent 54e.